1. 9
    Jun

    Alright, time for a reeealllly long blog.

    Community college has turned out to be a really great choice for me. I simply cannot stress how much I learned from this entire experience, whether it was academically challenging or me challenging myself to grow more. After high school, I wasn’t looking forward to going to community college since all my friends were away attending a UC. Looking back now, I’m extremely thankful that I started here because it brought me to where I am today. What is this “where” you may ask? This is what my long blog will probably consist of. Hahah.

    I think I’ve mentioned this before in my previous posts, but my god. I have this new and profound love for my mom. There’s no one I appreciate more in this life than her. She’s my heroine. She’s everything to me. Everything. What I deeply am regretting is not being able to tell her this through my words or my actions. I don’t want to disappoint her. I don’t want to make her sad. All I want to do is prove to her that I know what I am doing in life and what I will be doing will only make her proud to have a daughter like me. I know you work your butt off for me, mom. All I can hope for is to repay you for this in the near future. I love you for not only giving me the opportunity to live life, but teaching me all the different forms of love through your cooking, shitty job, and countless hours devoted to your family.
    ————
    It’s finally happening guys! I’m transferring from community college this Fall. I am so excited, anxious, scared, and just downright happy. I never pictured myself attending UCLA,but hard work really pays off. Juggling a part time job and being a full time student is difficult, but it has taught me so much more about responsibility. I wouldn’t say I had the full college experience of partying though and I’m content with that. I learned something so much more than having fun; I grew up. I matured. I learned to be selfless, I learned the importance of family, and I learned more about myself and the goals I wanted to achieve. I’m not sure how to put this into words, but I basically came out a different person than where I started. I guess I started to put myself and family first, before friends and fun.

    Something that has been on my mind recently is in regards to relationships. I broke up with my boyfriend of three and a half years not too long ago. Is it strange that I don’t feel too hurt? Is that normal? I don’t want to be deemed mean or selfish to anyone, although it shouldn’t really matter how others think of this, but me. Relationships can be complicated and messy—it’s honestly how you make of it. There’s always something to take away from them. I guess I knew he wasn’t “the one” for me and I wasn’t ready to settle down. I wanted to have fun. I wanted to explore and I just couldn’t do that with him. What hurts the most is knowing that I hurt someone who really loved me and cared for me with his entire being. I appreciate it so much, if only you knew. You taught me a lot and you helped me realize what I wanted in a relationship and what’s it like to be in a relationship.

    I’m not saying I had a sudden epiphany of exactly what I want because that’s just life. Everyone needs to explore more and learn about themselves and others. I think with my previous relationship, I focused too much on being serious that I forgot to have fun.

    I’m still really young and I should just put myself out there…and see what happens. That’s something I gradually forgot. I need to reach out more and have fun.That’s something I’ll be working on. :)

  2. 1
    23
    Aug

    Graduated

    Well. It’s 1 AM and I absolutely have no idea as to why I am currently still awake. Perhaps this wakefulness can be blamed on my Summer vacation or merely because of how hot my room is (temperature wise). And holy ****, I haven’t blogged on here for decades ;____;

    There are countless of things I want to blog about, but I am definitely uncertain on how to start this blog off… Sigh.  Too many feelings and thoughts that I have yet to unleash from my puny brain. A perpetual cycle, is it not?

    ……….

    Anywho, I graduated. Yaay. I’m not too enthusiastic about it though.. Haha. In my opinion, graduation was not just a day when you walk up a stage to receive your fake diploma. Although graduation never really “hit” me, (pretty sure it did not shoot its emotional arrow towards other students as well), it really brought to my attention that my recklessness and immaturity had to end. Hell, I’m growing up. ):

    I’m really going to miss my friends. Throughout my years in high school, I never realized how many wonderful people there were at the campus. I always thought the saying “You never know what you have until it’s gone” was very cliche. However, most cliche sayings are relatively true, and in this case, that saying especially applied to me. I took advantage of friendships; I told myself I had plenty of time to talk to them and make time for them, but considering how time flies, I really did not. I’ll sincerely miss all of you guys because you all are going to be so far away from me. I never thought I’d care so much, but I really do. Best of luck to all of us in college. :*

    So. My plan is to go to De Anza and hopefully transfer out within two years. Actually, that wasn’t the intended plan, but adjustments had to be made. I really wanted to go to a UC, but I didn’t manage to get into any of them. Ashamed and downright sad were the feelings I felt that entire month of college acceptances and rejections. You see friends/classmates ecstatic and jumpy from being accepted into the colleges of their preference while you’re just there, dwelling on the rejections. Yeah, I definitely cried about it. But after a while, I undoubtedly blamed and still blame myself for not working hard enough those past four years. I did not have a plan on what I wanted to do after high school; all I knew was that I had to go to college. Hence being at De Anza is not as dreadful in my perspective anymore, since I’ll be able to straighten out what I want to do with my life, despite the shriveled hopes of living in a dorm my first year. By the way, congratulations to all those who were accepted to their favored college. You all deserve the spot. (:

    On a completely different subject: I love my mom. Well, everyone loves their mom… :x I don’t know what caused this, but I realized how precious my mom is to me. Her birthday was on the 15th of August and I knew this, but when it actually turned the 15th, I forgot. -___- I was so out of touch with time that I forgot my own mom’s birthday. I really wanted to throw her a surprise birthday party to celebrate how much I appreciate her, BUT I FORGOT. Yes. I teared about it. ;_; I felt like I wasted my entire teenage years for not cherishing my mom enough. She worked and still works for my siblings and my family. She’d come home from work, stressed, but not able to relax because food had to be prepared for all of us. And I? I’d go out and eat with my friends. BAD DAUGHTER, YES. D: Time creeps by too fast. I wish I could take back all those years and be a filial daughter for her. My parents are growing older each day; if only time could temporarily deter itself so that I can replace my obliviousness towards this situation. All I want is an unlimited amount of time to love and appreciate them more…

    Ahhhh. I’m pretty worn out now. Such rambling…… x_x

    Good night world.

  3. 7
    Dec

    Getting it back..

    Slowly but surely (:

  4. 1412
    27
    Nov
  5. 6
    Sep

    Past

    Wow, I was looking through my old Facebook tags and realized how much I’ve changed since then. I seemed like a very cheerful girl.. I wonder what happened to that. Although I did find myself quite annoying when looking through those tags, I appeared so happy!

  6. 9077
    13
    Aug
  7. 334
    9
    Aug
  8. 9
    Aug

    //

                                           You’re the best thing

                                         I never knew I needed.

                                        So when you were here,

                                              I had no idea.

  9. 7
    Aug

    Hehe

    If I could just take it all back, I would. <3 (:

  10. 5
    Aug

    "I miss you."

avatar_96
Hello. (:
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